14 years.

Some people have photographic memories for dates or facts. All my best memories are edible and sensory. I can`t remember the year but I can visualise the Metallic blue of my Dad`s new Cortina E and how excited we were waiting for him to come home in it. I can`t remember the date but I can still feel the surge of ticklish excitement I felt the first time I laid eyes on Mr N. I know we went on a non date to see Rochdale vs Mansfield Town and I can`t remember what the day was but I instinctively knew when a copper started chatting me up and a big hand curled it`s fingers around mine that the match of the day was infact ours and I was hooked.

I can`t remember why we fell out once, but smile from here to Lands End when I remember the clink of glasses when he brought real snow into our hotel reunion room to chill the Champagne. The chocolate fudge cake that lay beneath our white Wedding cake exterior tasted delicious and mirrors our life together- full of surprises.

I can spot potential and the geeky and brusque Viking who I thought was the rudest person I had ever met appeared to be an outsider but I`m so glad I backed that thoroughbred.

Quite simply we are opposites . We clash everyday like a pair of cymbals!! Tomorrow we will have been married for fourteen years and he makes me laugh more than he makes me cry which is good enough for me. The gene pool has been an awfully good union too. Viking Greek God + Energetic  Yorkshire pudding = Super model children!

I hope we are lucky enough to be married for as long as our Auntie Sue and Uncle Larry were. He passed away last week and Auntie Sue during an argument had said she would dance on his grave when the fateful day came. The King of the one liners that he was made her promise she would infact dance on his grave "I will " she roared..."Good" he replied  " Cos I`m getting buried at sea!"

God bless Uncle Larry.

Chocolate mousse for happy days and sad days

1 large bar of plain chocolate

2 eggs separated

Melt the chocolate and beat the egg yolks in until you have a glossy mixture, then whisk the hites and fold in carefully to make the yummiest mousse ever. You can add brandy or Amaretto( whatever your poison may be) or simply top with some whipped double cream. Serve in a wine glass , chill in the fridge. Skip the main course and dive in.

Happy Anniversary Matty, my heart is yours now and forever even if you do make me go at the tap end at bathtime.xxx

What`s for dinner Clarey?: A trip to the dentistI used to have a Fry`s choc...

What`s for dinner Clarey?: A trip to the dentist

I used to have a Fry`s choc...: A trip to the dentist I used to have a Fry`s chocolate cream addiction. They only cost 16p when I was a lass. I loved them to my detriment...

A trip to the dentist

I used to have a Fry`s chocolate cream addiction. They only cost 16p when I was a lass. I loved them to my detriment. Coming from York my world revolved around chocolate. Rowntrees and Terrys were the  kings of confection in those days and everyone seemed to work at one factory or another. I remember one day on the A64 a lorry carrying Quality Street chocolates collided with a barrier and shed its load allover the road. All the children from Copmanthorpe village arrived quickly on their bikes with empty school bags , buckets , even riding helmets, whatever empty vessel we could lay our hands on and greedily scooped up the choccies. Every child deserves to have a magical day like that one.
When I grew up and married , I went to live next door to the Kit Kat factory and every morning I cycled past it on my way to work breathing in lungfulls of heavenly Nestle chocolate.
All this sweetness led me to the dentist`s chair and a root canal job that put my cocoa passions to bed.
I`m definately a cheese and wine party girl these days and although I make a mean Malteser cake it`s only really a vain attempt to fatten up all my skinny friends!
But if ever I am low or feeling small , there`s nothing nicer than a mug of sweet tea and a Kit Kat to send my spirits soaring higher than York Minster. Let`s face it - if you`re going to have a biscuit have a bloody good one!!
Tomorrow I have to go to the dentist with my little family. For some bizarre reason I love to pull out teeth. Any wobbly ones get my fingers twitching , but the children are wise to me now and say it is a priviledge reserved only for the tooth fairy or their cumudgeonly dentist Mrs Tootell. She really is a kindly sparkly eyed dentist (not like my Dr Butcher who had hands that smelled of beefburgers and scared me to sweetex), she is always on holiday playing golf and has a mouthful of amalgams just like me. This fruit eating sugar free generation that my little ones belong to might get less fillings, but they also get less choccy... poor darlings!


CHOCOLATE lollipops

To make 12 lollies
7oz milk choc
7oz white choc
1oz dried cranberries
1oz pistaschios/or sunflowers seeds
sugar sprinkles
wooden lolly sticks

Melt the choc in separate bowls in the microwave . Spoon in circles onto greaseproof paper and swirl with the other chocolate, top with nuts, fruits and sprinkles. Lay a lolly stick about a third of the way into the lolly mix and cover the top of the stick with a little blob more of the chocolate so that it will stay put once it has set. pop into the fridge for 30 mins then peal off to have your very own chocolollies enough to make the meanest dentist smile.

The Leftovers

Sometimes we misguidedly think that by throwing lots of money at a situation we can solve it.
It doesn`t. We can`t.
That the huge Christmas dinner will be the best meal of the year.
Me - I prefer the leftovers.

That turkey and stuffing butty after the carnage that is Christmas has slipped by, tastes like perfection to me. Sitting by an open fire with a large Brandy knowing that all the good deeds are done and I can relax.

It`s the same with Sunday lunch, there`s always some poor bugger with her head in the gas oven (me)whilst everyone else is lazily perusing the Sunday papers. I prefer the chicken soup the next day that I make from the leftovers.
Now this perspective is coming from a girl who prefers beef liver to fillet steak. Another perfect example of how you can make something fantastic out of things that others see as waste. I cannot stand waste.
Everyday we shouldn`t waste a second having regrets or feeling hard done to. I am not a model size and never have been but it would be a waste of my life wishing to be something I am not. It would have been a  waste of all that love I have inside me for my husband and my children if  he hadn`t put this big busty Yorkshire terrier in his shopping basket even though she wasn`t the slimmest sausage in the pack! You need to crystallise your thoughts and realise every now and again that your table is overflowing.
Don`t be an outcast from Life`s feast.
The best meal I ever had was when Matty was 40 and there had been an inspection at school so I`d had no time to rustle up a gourmet celebration for him. All of his family and friends brought sausages and Nobbly bobbly ice creams to a camping barn in the lakes and it tasted like manna from Heaven.
Life is fleeting and quickly it seems we move from the mains to afters. I`m looking forward to the leftovers of my life, I think they`re going to taste the sweetest yet .


Pan fried pizza

I love cold pizza , the morning after a Saturday night of Cava gargling with my friends. Sadly there seldom seems to be enough leftovers so these little beauties are amzingly quick and delicious.

Per hungover person or hungry horse of a teenager

2 soft tortillas
sprinkling of grated cheese
1 tomato sliced
few slices of red onions
black olives and anchovies if you can be bothered!(Any fridge leftovers will do)

Put a slug of olive oil in a non stick frying pan and make a sandwich with all the ingredients, we always add a smattering og King Naga chilli sauce but we`re a bit loopy. Then fry the pizza sandwich on each side til it melds together and puffs up like a golden olympic discus. Best eaten with a Buck`s fizz or if you can`t face it wait for the Communion wine to give you the hair of the dog that bit you!

Happy holidays

It`s nearly here...the time when we pack up our troubles and make our escape from reality. Be it in a windy tent or a Malaysian long house, for a fortnight we are bound together with our nearest and dearest! Sometimes frankly it`s too close for comfort.
I love and adore my family,to put it in a nutshell I would donate them any of my organs worth having, let`s face it  I would die for them. Sometimes though when waking up in a leaky tent to rafts of snores, the plip plip of the rain and the plop plop of my flatulent spouse and offspring I think a holiday on my own might be lovely.
I could drink Cava for breakfast and skip lunch.I could sunbathe on a balcony G&T clutched in one hand , "Fifty shades of Grey" int`other. I could smoke St.Moritz menthols and talk to my Mum on the telephone without being told off like the naughty school girl that I am, and that lurks within! I could leave my wet towel on the floor and not be the "maid" for once who picks it up and smoothes out the wrinkles in the bedspread or has to be the Peacemaker in the argument about whose turn it is to sit in the front seat. I`d gladly sit in the car seat with a dummy in my gob being chauffered around and taken out for tea.
But if I holidayed alone I know I would miss all of the above.
So with the great gift of parenthood comes the great mantle of responsibility. This Summer though I am having a holiday from myself and I am going to join in and not be Captain sensible all the time. If they`re having a big ice cream...I`m having one. If they are doing archery, painting, making sandcastles, surfing, cycling ,having a burping competition to Lady Gaga I`m doing it too.
Housework is a swear word not to be uttered in the months of July and August. When I look back on my best holidays they weren`t spent tidying my room, I was on a beach in Cornwall dancing to "Brown girl in the ring"...I want to be that girl again.


Cinnamon toast

When I was 16 I knew a group of adorable boys (My Summer loves)and we used to go to Taylors tea room in York and drink tea and eat this...

3 slices Granary bread crusts removed
1 tbs butter
1 tbs brown sugar
cinnamon
Toast the bread on one side. Make a cinnamon butter by mixing sugar butter and cinnamon together.
Butter the untoasted side and popback under the grill until it melts.
Cut into soldiers and serve in a lattice tower.

Serve with a cup of Early grey and sugar lumps and somebody that you adore this holiday.

The Universe delivers

Some days we find it hard to get out of bed. Today I was filled with some Wonder womanlike energy and came back to life. I think I`ve been in hibernation for a few years now, sleepwalking through the days and focusing on the chinks in my armour instead of marvelling at the Boudicca traits that all of us working girls posess.
Today is all we have. All the days, the ordinary everydays, they are all we have. We should not waste a precious second worrying about what we have failed to do or the bad bits. If you had a beautiful bouquet of flowers and one bloom died , you wouldn`t throw the whole bunch in the bin. So every day in every week be it a bloom of a day or a blooming horrible day has a reason and a rhyme to it. I have left a big part of my life behind today and floated home on a cloud of love generated by lots of special children and their families.

I must admit that it has been dark at times, but it is only in the darkness that you can see the stars shine. And shine they all did for me today.

As Oscar Wilde put it so eloquently "We are all of us in the gutter, only some of us are looking at the stars."

A very beautiful soul who has been protecting me through life`s vicissitudes told me- "Once you let go, the Universe delivers..." and she has.

Smoked salmon pate

1 pack of smoked salmon
1 tub of cream cheese
A few sprigs of dill
1 tsp horseradish
1 squeeze of lemon juice

Plonk the whole lot in a blender and whizz up to pink perfection. Serve on hot melba toasts with a splodge of real butter and a nice glass of bubbles.Thank you to all my blessed munchkins who delivered today and sparkled and shone for me.

Car booty.

I love car boot sales. Packing up all my junk in hope of recycling it the next day in return for some free money to spend on my cherubs for icecreams  and Clark`s shoes and  maybe some Wolford stockings for me!

I love getting up early when I don`t have to and I know that any customers I face don`t own me. I can be as cheeky as I like and ask balding pensioners "Are you going to buy my pink cowboyhat darling?"

I polish up any silver and creep around the house in the pink morning light popping the likes of Buzz Lightyear or annoying dolls that cry into my swag bag. It`s like burglaring my own house and off I trundle in the Volvo to magic unwanted trinkets into happy treats for my little family.

 The Viking I live with finds it all highly amusing and tries to keep me trapped beneath the duvet. I always say  " Don`t get fruity , til I`ve done car booty!"

Today I have chatted to a lovely lady who says she never had any confidence as a child as she was adopted and her Mum was cruel to her. She was shy because last time she came to my stall I sold her a diet book and it hadn`t worked. I told her she was gorgeous just the way she was and sold her a very raunchy Anne summers corset! There is nothing so attractive as a smile and a kind word. Beauty is as beauty does.

I love passing on my old things to people who love them too. The leather rucksack that I was carrying in Gozo when I lost my passport , the red ball dress I wore when I was 17 and so in love, My nanna`s pacamac-all of them have a little story and go happily onto their new owners in a plastic bag. I have no attachment to material things- if my house were on fire I`d grab my adorables and my Viking by the scruff of their necks and bail out and never look back.

I think I would like to have a market stall in the future selling Malteser cakes and my fashion disasters with a smile and a story thrown in for free.I seem to have been heading in the wrong direction for years and today in the sunshine I suddenly had that energy rush of optimism and hope showing me the way to go. Life is all about give and take and as long as you give more than you take you will be fulfilled and renewed.

Chicken soup balm for the soul

1 chicken carcass

1 large onion chopped

1tin of cocnut milk

1tbs sugar

1tbs thai green curry paste

4 fat cloves garlic

extra chicken

1 bunch coriander

chilli flakes

2 tbs fish sauce

1 lime squeezed

Fry the onion and garlic and thai paste add the chicken carcass and a kettle full of water and boil to make a lovely stock. Fish out the bones after 20 mins and strip any chicken into the pan ,add the coconut milk, sugar, lime and coriander. Whizz up with a blender stick and add the extra chicken afterwards with a chicken stock cube, chilli and seasalt to taste. Finish with the fish sauce. This is a spicy witches brew that will lift the lowest of spirits. Serve with toasted buttered naan breads after a cold morning at the car booty.x Then take your Viking to bed.

The Football season is over

I am growing gills and webbed feet living in Kendal in Monsoon season or should I call it a Lake District "Summer". I can never get my washing out and my hair absorbs the moisture like an emotional sponge and I go to work looking like a Zombie Ronald McDonald.
We are in the dip in our house between Milnthorpe and district`s U11 season of glory and when training resumes in August. Most Mums would welcome a rest from the footy kit washing and the touchline heebeegeebees every Sunday. Not me. I am so proud of Jimmy Neal golden hair flashing in the wind, I`ve seen more fat on a chip but my boy is seriously hard- as hard as the Kendal granite which gives the old grey town its gloomy facade. Jimmy is 5ft of pure gold though, he never gives up , if he loses the ball he catches up and gets in the way of it. He is all heart and passion and although he would cringe if he read this is the kindest boy I know. He wouldn`t even move the cat off his chair for fear of hurting her feelings. He always wants a cuddle and tucking in each night. So the football season is over and we are needing a boost, a family trip to Wexford to see the Boys from Boley might just hit the spot. We are related to the national tug of war team for Southern Ireland. They put in a full days work on the farm then at 10pm they train by pulling a solid bale of cement on a rope and sinking a few crates of Bushmills. I cannot wait for August, a harvest moon over Banboggan bay, a break from the Cumbrian mizzle and a chance to reconnect with family. Jimmy`s core of steel I feel was soldered in his genes centuries ago in a little villlage called Clongheen.



Grandad`s favourite

1 large ham
1cabbage
6 potatoes
parsley sauce

Boil the ham in a pan of cold water for an hour. Remove the ham and cover the fat with a mixture of marmalade, English mustard and chilli flakes. Put in a hot oven for a further 20 mins until caramelised. Meanwhile cook the potatoes and chiffonaded cabbage in the ham water and when tender serve with plenty of black pepper and a knob of butter and a thick slice of the ham. To make the parsley sauce, melt a tbs of butter with a tbs of flour to make a roux. Add a pot of double cream to the mixture and stir over a gentle heat until a smooth white sauce appears, add more milk if too thich and a big handful of chopped flat leafed parsley. season wih seasalt and white pepper and a pinch of blade mace.Pour over the ham and potatoes.

If I want anything , anything at all, I make this for my matty and he gives in!