It`s not a beach day
I live in one of the most amazing beautiful places on Earth, mountains, lakes and sheep set out before me like a farm set of the Gods. The only problem is I`m a beach girl!
My idea of Heaven is a Whitby crab and a dip in the ocean preferably off the East coast of Yorkshire or South West coast of Cornwall. When I am swimming I feel like a mermaid, sleek, strong and cool , when I am walking up a steep mountain grabbing onto Matty`s rucksack for dear life and a leg up I am Hagrid!! And a huffing and puffing hairy Clarey is not a wonderful sight to behold.
I am not obsessed with sun tanning , I don`t have the attention span or Nannies to watch my adorables to enable me to read books all holiday. I will not be an orange permatanned yummy Mummy after the hols raring to go to book club (where let`s face it , they just get sloshed and verbally assassinate their beloveds.)
I don`t need a holiday from my life. Because all your worries and fears don`t get stamped out at Passport control, they might miss the flight but when you get home they`re waiting for you like a bottle of sour milk in your refrigerator.
So applying the Mary Poppins "Everyday`s a holiday with Mary #Clarey" technique is my modus operandi for surviving the seven week "rest" with my delightful children!
1. Eat only pain au chocolat for breakfast, no washing up and no leftovers
2. Squirt your teenagers with dry shampoo, deodorant and perfume as they shuffle past you grunting
3. "Lose" your credit card on a regular basis so they cannot top up their phones
4. Take the fuse out of the PlayStation and say the repair man is coming tomorrow (always tomorrow)
5. Never say these words "It`s not a beach day" "It`s too wet for a barbecue"
6. Make them swim in sea, Lake,tarn, water, pool everyday(no need to badger them to bathe later!)
7. Switch off literally, all mobile devices rot the brain and destroy the art of real conversation
8. Eat, drink and be merry together but not in front of the telly (a sausage sarnie and a kitkat consumed outdoors looking at a sunset or lovely view is far better than a feast mindlessly chomped slumped infront of the Xbox!)
9. Breathe, sounds simple, but just take time to relax and listen to your breathing and be thankful for something or someone who made you smile today, or be that person
10. Do something kind for someone else, don`t forget to say please and thank you , happiness rests on little things like these words.
Now we are in holiday mode , disarm those poor people not as enlightened as you by being like this everyday . There are only two types of people Charming or tedious, its up to you which one you choose to be.
Now you have to have something lovely to eat or drink, this smoothie is divine and fat free
Life on Quark
2 pots of Yorkshire Quark (fat free cheese)
2 boxes of frozen fruits raspberries or strawberries
Vanilla extract
Artificial sweetener or maple syrup (a couple of spoonfulls)
Whizz it all up in a liquidiser and drink outside with someone you just LOVE! xx
Arrows darlings (What you say when you score highly at a game of Darts) That`s what Summer holidays are like aiming high and dodging any misery guts` arrows who dare tell me "It`s not a beach day!"
