Giving up smoking

Giving up smoking

There`s not a Shakespeare sonnet

Or a Beethoven`s quartet

That`s easier to like than you 

Or harder to forget.

You think that sounds extravagant?

I haven`t finished yet -

I like you more than I would like

To have a cigarette.

Wendy Cope

A poem for International poetry day! If you have never smoked or been addicted to nicotine or someone, you will probably fail to see what an intense love poem that is...

In the past, BC (before children) I had a penchant for St Moritz menthol cigarettes. They came in a Nile green beautiful box and had gold filters. I was a well balanced woman then, a fag in one hand and a large glass of red in the other! I had a mountain bike that I loved riding down Stonegate  at all times of the night whilst often a tad squiffy.

I  was  even a chorus girl in York light Opera society and popped my cork in "Sweet Charity" on the stage of the York theatre Royal. I had to wear a platinum blonde wig and looked an absolute shocker. Those were the days when I had a sunshine yellow VW Beetle and lived on Love and fresh air!

These days all I crave is fresh air in the day, fire at night and the occasional "Wheeee!" when I ride my bike down Beast banks in Kendal. I still love the smell of tobacco, pipe smoke and cigars- I find myself inhaling deeply if I walk through a smoker`s cloud. It`s a sensory time hop back to the days when my Grandads were waiting for me on Clifton green with a bag of black bullets and a ticket to the match on Tuesday nights.

Both of them loved to smoke, smoking killed them both.

So I owe my life to my children, there`s nothing like seeing two heads on a baby scan to make you give up smoking.

These days I`m obsessed with coffee, it`s my new smoking. If I smell a fella wearing " Spicebomb" (which basically smells like a cigar ) I swoon!

In my skills cafes at work this month "Giving up smoking" is my theme. How the actual F am I supposed to do that? I can`t get the lads all pregnant with twins!! But I think I will have to get them addicted to something else perhaps. Fresh coffee and tiffin is always available to make them feel loved, not intense enough though.

Maybe as Lockdown eases we can reinstate our Wednesday walks and they might fall in love with the idea of living again, when you literally wake up and smell the roses it`s a powerful rush...wish me luck.

Recipe for life today is...

Smoked mackerel pate for mermaids addicted to life...

200g Smoked mackerel fillets

120g full fat cream cheese

1 lemon (juice and zest)

4tbs double cream

4 tsps horseradish sauce

Seasalt , black pepper

Whizz it all up and serve on toasted sourdough, preferably outside, around a fire , on the beach in Cornwall!!

Drive thru delivery

 Every St.Patrick`s day I remember the story of my Jemima`s birth. She was due on 17th March and we were living in Cheltenham at the time. I went to put a bet on the Cheltenham races at nearby Evesham and basically got stuck behind the steering wheel of my beloved Volvo estate ( the reg was FEC and our Irish relations affectionately renamed it the Fecmobile!)

After losing my money on the geegees , I am from York and horse racing is in my blood, I went to pick up the twins and then felt an awful twinge . My Irish mum in law was staying with us at the time and she kindly let us go to the pictures that night to watch "Walk the line". The false alarm contractions seemed to synchronise with the booming soundtrack of the film and I really thought the baby was going to be born that night. In truth I`d probably had too many coffee revels and a Magnum and the baby was displeased!

So I spent St.Patrick's night waiting in hospital for my little Patti , Paddy or Patricia to arrive. This baby was collossal, my bump looked like a torpedo but I had been so joyful throughout the pregnancy that I literally couldn`t wait to meet them.

No black velvets were cracked open that night to wet the babies head. I returned home still with the most massive bun in the oven. The midwives were hilarious, apparently love making and curry were the best ways of winkling out the baby, they even prescribed a rampant rabbit if necessary. I loved being pregnant this time, like some Greek goddess of plenty, but no amount of chicken korma or karma sutra was shifting this bundle of joy.

Six days later and we were about to make the trip home to York , for my brother Jamie`s wedding in Bishopthorpe and I was desperate to get there and have a Yorkshire baby! I knew that the baby was coming but the last thing I wanted was me stuck there down south, so I packed the car, put the twins in the back and didn`t  tell  Matt a thing. Through gritted teeth I endured the trip home with aforementioned twinnies singing along to  the 'Lion King' all the way, Hakuna Matata indeed! "It means no worries for the rest of your days", ha ha by the time we reached Chesterfield the contractions were coming every six minutes!

So I confessed and we zoomed down the hard shoulder with the twins thinking this was like the best ride ever at Lightwater valley!

I had been to watch York city play at Chesterfield before, the ground was next to a river and at half time a little old man rowed out in a boat to collect all the stray match balls. But the crooked spire and Dean Kiely were not there to save me this time.

I was dressed like I was going out on the town, I had a red bejewelled top, red toenails, red lippy all in readiness for the wedding next day. 

"Come in",said the lovely midwife, "we`ll have you on your way to York in no time."

When indeed she did "have a look" she said "10cm and labouring!"

Which meant Jemima had at last decided it was time to come to the party!

Being baby number three, she shot out like a missile. I spent the whole night falling in love with my 10 pound prize! The next morning after a quick trip to the registry office , for naming purposes,we set off to the wedding with our drive thru delivery, gatecrasher baby on board. We went to the wedding and I can only say that pink Champagne and a new baby are the best natural painkillers going!

It has been 15 years of fun and parties with our beautiful Jemima, so tonight on St Patrick`s day I will be raising a glass to all our Irish family and friends and smiling at a night to remember.

Slantze!

Black velvet cocktail

Champagne

Guinness

Fill a tall Champagne flute half

way with chilled Champagne and float guinness stout on top of the wine.

This cocktail was designed in 1861 to mourn the death of Prince Albert, I did nearly give Mr N a heart attack by nearly giving birth on the M1 - hakuna matata ha ha!

Love pie

 I`ve never seen anyone really cry whilst eating a pie!

Aren`t  pies brilliant? Moving house, broken heart, new baby, big birthday? Pies r us! When I was pregnant with my twins I remember being anxious that I wouldn`t have enough love for them and all the other special ones I love.

My midwife cleverly reassured me "don`t be so bloody silly, it`s not like your love is a pie that you portion up according to how much love you have to give. When you really love someone they get a whole pie each!"

So I`ve spent the last twenty years making love pies and dishing them out with true Clarey generosity.

When the twins went to University, I was devastated. So proud of them, proud of us for raising such a couple of stars.  But I missed their noisiness, dramas, humour and even the sleepless nights waiting for them to come home in the early hours of Saturday mornings.

The Pandemic brought them home to roost and dare I say it, it`s been a year of megalols in the Nealie household. They`ve even got their Dad hooked on karaoke!! But we all love footy in this house and the "extra time" has been golden, I think we`re past penalties now and they are ready for a whole new season to begin.

It`s within touching distance, Spring seems magical , it`s as if our lockdown has acted like a magnifying glass, every green shoot, every ray of sunshine seems to be urging us on, spreading warmth and hope in our hearts. Summer will be amazing. All I want to do is swim, in a loch, in Coniston , in a Cornish cove!

Although my three little ducks will no doubt go off swimming, over the hills and faraway, they`ll always return with bag fulls of exciting stories and dirty washing! There will always be  beers and cheers for their comebacks and a pie of love  for each of them...

Nut roast love pie

I am a big fan of Poppa Neal`s sausage and leek pie but the other day this variation created itself somehow in my kitchen when everyone was hungry and we didn`t have much in the cupboard!

1 big bag of mixed nuts (Brazil, walnuts, cashews, almonds)

2 large red onions sliced

2 brown bread baps made into breadcrumbs

marmite or vegetable stock

butter or oil

fresh thyme

2 fat cloves garlic

1 egg

100g grated cheese

2 sheets of ready roll puff pastry

Fry the onions and garlic in oil or butter until soft and caramelised

Chop up the nuts, or whizz in a food processor. In a bowl combine the nuts , onions, bread crumbs, thyme and enough stock and egg to make a slack mixture. Fold in some cheese for extra lushness.

Put inside a parcel of pastry , egg wash the outside and cook for 40 mins in a medium oven until the pastry is golden and nut mixture crunchy.

Serve with some green vegetables and creamy mashed potatoes a pie of love fit for your little kings and queens xx

Chin up , we`ve nearly made it!